clearly, this scene was shown, directed by the author

as this is what he really wanted to do

if time rewinds

because he knows, he regretted walking away from her

never go back in time

not being at there with her, to wipe away her tears although in his heart, he truly does

Years later, the girl is already married to somebody else

the only thing he can do

is nothing but just placing her at the bottom of his heart

& give them his blessings

He knows, he won't love any girl that much, like what he did to her any more.

things you never knew

You don't know why I had to leave you
your tears shattered every broken piece of my heart,
i chose to be out of your sight.
So sorry I didn't keep hold of you.
there are just things you never knew.


there are just things that i am gonna regret for life.

i know, i will see you somewhere again

I'll make a wish for you 

and hope it will come true

If you lose your way onto happiness

Think back on yesterday 

where i have been waiting

and i'll be right behind your shoulder watching you

I'll be standing by your side

And i won't ever leave

As long as you believe

just hoping that one day you will finally turn around and look at me.

Sometimes in life

what you see may not be the truth 

the truth may not be that coincidentally unveiled before you

trust, is like a sorcery to me now.

i love you so much, el

 

 

i am finding a missing photo..
and i search frantically around my house
calling my family overseas like a lunatic asking have they seen it and so
photo photo please come back to me..
as i've came to the most desperate stage of finding it
i went online and do this..

whether will it work or not..
i am so gonna do that to find back my photo.
that photo means a lot to me..

the memories in it, worth more than a gigantic box of diamonds.
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i love you so much.
&^@(*#&)(@#*_@)#
i am going crazy

i will risk everything just to get it back

there's a true love placed before me
but i didn't treasure it
until the time when it's gone, it's too late to regret
if ever, i have the chance to rewind the time and go back again
i will tell the boy that i love him
if i have no choice but to add a dateline in this relationship
i hope it will be 10,000 years

this is quoted from a movie that i've watched today
it doesn't really mean much to me until i come to this stage
which the only thing that i left for the boy was just a tiny teardrop.

away?

i don't really know what to write about today
but today was an awesome day out with my friends!
shopping and eating have never fail to cheer me up

the busier i am, the more i actually think of him
during the time when i am busy walking around or looking for things
what will you be doing..?



 no more you in my arms?

A Blank Message

A lot of times when i want to type all my feelings out
ending up to be in a blank mind thinking what the fuck i wanted to say earlier today...

My imagination can let off and run wild as i look into this blank message

today my afternoon study session came along with a love talk session which conducted by tangjun
he shared a lot that is on his mind
he is mature enough to be the professor at that moment
but there's one thing i gotta deny,
actually, i am not the silly girl who is doing all this towards my ex
maybe in my silly naive childish world
i do believe that love does exist
you know why ppl nowadays will think that
nobody is worth loving or waiting?
they lost trust of love, why?
because they don't believe it exists anymore
it's because that i believe, so it remains there

according to him, i have already gotten death sentence by my ex.
he said that, if you try, appear in front of his doorstep
repeat the things that you've been wanting to say to him
his reaction determines whether are we two game over
being so strong to hold back my tears in the library
i dipped my mind into the noisy crowd, trying to find some sort of distraction
well done in distracting my broken heart
wanted to send a long ass msg to him but i know the reply that i will get
is always "thank you. okok."
deleted my words from draft, locked my phone and started stoning when i boarded the bus
passing familiar places
then i remember, we've been to a lot of places together

after Alvin has alighted the bus, i bet he was feeling damn awkward
sitting with his emo classmate thinking to herself
silence was the only noise throughout the journey
A message notification disrupted my sleep
A blank message from him which states .. nth
how much it meant to me? indescribable
that was the first initiate msg he sent to me in these months
without me pestering him, spamming him my monologue
suddenly my world become so peaceful just by looking at it
looking out at the sky, today is a beautiful day indeed
although this msg does not contain anything
it does not carry any meaning as well
staring at that msg for minutes
restrain myself from pressing the reply button and start spamming all over again
i closed my eyes,
drown myself into the song"all about your heart"

it sings beautifully
"Oh, I've loved you from the start.In every single way
And more each passing day.You are brighter than the stars
Believe me when I say.It's not about your scars
It's all about your heart"

happiest moment i had for these days
so i am not going to reply to this
yup, i am giving up on facing the truth to know that it might just be a little technical mistake that he made when using his phone

Dear God, please bring him back to me

It has been a couple of days, couples of days i meant.
my soul wander off long ago, hope it will lead me to the right place

come back to this sad old place all over again
come back to this pool of nonsense that i have been through
i am still continue on typing all my negative emotions here
gather it and delete all away.

for those who has been following how the story goes.
yup, god has answered my prayer
he was back, at least for awhile
but maybe god thinks that i am not the right one who can take care of him
he sent somebody else over.
i sincerely hope that the person will bring him happiness, way more than i can able to give

i know that his friends have been thinking that i am the one who hurt him and so
nobody bother to think about how i pulled it through in the year
i ain't laughing, joking,slacking off that year, never can i do it
even time rewinds 10,000 times again
they were in absolute good intentions not letting their brother to get hurt
then who's by my side?
i was there even when everyone on earth breathing agrees that i should let go
love drives me till here, until so far, how can i do it without a heart that loves him genuinely?
you guys are so selfish, when i was trying my best, working my ass out to stay alive,
you all thought that i was so intentionally fucking your dear friend's life up
i don't love him less than you all do, even a single teeny bit.

tearing every night after he told me things won't work out anymore
after i have overcome all kinds of obstacles, approach him in agony
what i got was, he has got a new girl
fine, i have nothing to do in his life anymore
so heartbreaking but i must face the hurtful truth.

but guys, i want to keep up to my promise
i wonder how long can i last
1.5 years i have been waiting
make it 4 perhaps?
then i won't at least live with regrets
as i tried my very best to get the guy that i have been longing for in life
whom i would love to spend forever with.
I will still be praying for his safety, for his happiness
nothing beats the smile on your love ones' face
but how i wish that i was the one who make him smile
A short 4 years maybe can prove my loyalty
just that i wonder, if i can tolerate this constant 4 years of heart aching
nevermind, we'll see how things go from here.